Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Rain

A few blogs that I read have referenced this blog. This family with 3 little girls just watched their 4th girl go to Heaven. Straight to Jesus after only a couple of hours. I haven't read through the whole thing yet, but plan to. Sometimes when I read stories like this, I try to shut it out and not read another one like it in fear that I will just worry more about the "what ifs" when we are pregnant next. But this mother can't do that. She can't just shut off the computer and try to forget. So I'm choosing to dive in and read this story so I know how to pray for them. I can't even begin to imagine going through something like this.


I would have been 3 months pregnant this past week. Life has felt back to "normal" for a long time now, but today I'm sad. I've started to get excited again about the possibility of becoming pregnant again, but have to admit that I'm scared too. I don't want this fear to control me. When I was pregnant I prayed so much that I would not live in fear. I felt God give me freedom from that fear and it felt so good. It felt good to tell others I was pregnant, maybe a little "too soon", but I just wanted to celebrate this life. I wasn't in denial that something could happen but I wasn't going to let it control me. I still have moments of pity parties. I get jealous thinking of others getting pregnant and just getting to be excited without having any worries. (I'm sure that last sentence isn't completely true, but it's just how I warp things) BREAK** I literally just got a call from a friend of mine from Sticks, Kristin. She just found out that she has a growth/tumor in a part of her brain that is affecting her cycles. This will have to be shrunken through medication before they can start trying to get pregnant again, which may take 6 months-1 year, plus 3 additional months to make sure all the effects of the medicine are gone. My heart breaks for her. She has been so excited to be a mom for so long now. Sounds like she's doing really well though, and she's stopping by tomorrow night so we can chat. I pray that God will give me comforting words. Thanks God, for the slap in the face that it's not all about me. I pray that my experiences will help me relate when talking with Kristin. He never gives us more than we can bare, and I know there is a purpose in this. Glory be to You, Lord.
Please pray for Kristin.

I Need Thee Every Hour

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford
I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby
Temptations lose their power
When Thou art nigh
I need thee, oh, I need thee, every hour I need Thee
I need thee, I need thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee every hour in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide or life is in vain
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour, teach me Thy will
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee
Oh I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

4 comments:

The Obstarczyks said...

Hi Abby! I'm sure you remember me, I remember you from different times we've met up or seen each other through Alisa! Just wanted to say hi, I check your blog often! Like you said, I also struggle with reading (or hearing) about other people's tragic stories and then sitting and dwelling for hours on the "what ifs". What if that happens to me, What would I do, how could I ever go on, etc, etc. I can really start to freak myself out! Wow, this whole having faith thing isn't easy!

Hope you're having a good RAINY day! ;)

Alisa said...

I love your sweet, tender spirit, Abby. Kristin will love just being with you whether you say the right words or not because you're such a calming person to be around.

I can't wait for you to become "with child" again! My maternity clothes are waiting down in the basement to visit with you again.

I'm so sorry that you're not celebrating the 3 month mark this week. I really....really am. Eat as many sweets as you need - you totally deserve it.

Jenn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn said...

I know how hard it is to watch people all around you make announcement after announcement you are happy for them because you have to be and sad for you and jealous all at the same time. I find your blog encouraging as you are fighting to find a positive outlook, and working on trusting God. I know it's not easy and I am sad for you, but your blog has also given me more to think about and a different perspective than my own. Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing your thoughts and trials, and I am thinking about you and praying for you. Jenn

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